Barungu Nyawira

Looking at the person lying next to you in sweat pools, you realize that quite too often do we forget to ask or rather know the ‘who’ in our sexual relations.

One of the most amazing things about the human mind is that it remembers. We have memories of feel and emotion; the pain, ache, we remember how betrayal feels, delight, happiness, name them all. Some things we forget, but of sex, it’s attributes and the partner, we don’t. It’s like a small part of them stays with us, stuck to memory. So, who am I having sex with? Should I be?
Lover or spouse only?
This is sexual exclusivity, where one decides to only have one sexual partner, mostly lovers and spouses. Its basis are cultural values and mutual expectations. It should be established on the bed of mutual content, after safe negotiations if necessary. It is mostly a decision made to guarantee prevention of contraction and transmission of HIV and STIs.
My Friend?
Whether to have or not to have sex with your friend(s) is an entirely personal decision. Some adopt and others refute the idea, all with different reasons. Can you handle having sex with the label behind it being, ‘Friends?’
When you have sex with your friend, there are chances it goes deep and one or both of you want a relationship. If it’s consensual, it’s all good and you’ll not have to worry about commitment and all.
One will perceive it as not only being okay, but as the most comfortable thing since you know this other person. It is good to establish a friendly relation with the person (s) you engage with sexually. This could be friends-with-benefits(FWB) relationships or some just casual friendships with which you’re totally fine. You wouldn’t want to spend a whole weekend at a cabin in the woods, but two hours for just sex is perfect.
No, I can’t sleep with my friend!
At the beginning, it sounds and is great but it could turn ugly. After sleeping with your friend, feelings spike, 80% of the times. Why have sex with my friend and risk having the friendship go downhill afterwards?
Another thinks of it as highly immoral. Freedom to do whatever one pleases is important, but it is about being a decent moral human being. We love friends, but sex should be used as a way to share intimacy when people are considered to be in a relationship.
The total stranger?
The world has evolved, where a lot of things are accepted. Choosing a total stranger is not something everyone can do. It probably takes a certain type of people.
Mostly it is the factor of ‘physical safety’ that drives some of us away from the idea. You’ll find that to sleep with strangers, it takes being a man, a feminist or a total out of the blues thought. It could be the mere fact of ‘not sober’ lol!
A larger number of men will easily say yes to sex with a stranger, unlike women, who will take flight at the thought. Men of high physical attractiveness are mostly successful in pursuing a short-term sexual strategy (Physical attractiveness fulfils the women’s evolved preferential short-term mating desires)
Well, nothing makes you feel mature and sophisticated like a one night stand. Think about it; alcohol, spontaneous sex, maybe drugs, bad judgements, possible regrets with a pinch of anxiety about what STI you may have contracted, pregnancy scares –it’s everything our parents promised. People envision a steamy montage of naked bodies ending with double hangovers and a missing kidney. I’m telling you it’s a myth! What if some meaningless sex with a stranger is what you needed to get that renewal of soul, to set it all right?